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Asexuality: what is it?

by Josephine Andrews
Published: Last Updated on 186 views

Asexuality means that there is no desire for sexual interaction and other people are not perceived as sexually attractive or only to a limited extent. However, this is not a burden for asexual people, they do not feel any primary psychological strain. Read here how someone can tell whether they are asexual and whether a relationship is wanted by those affected despite their asexuality.

What does asexuality mean?

A definition or test for asexuality that provides clear guidelines for determining whether or not one is asexual does not exist. You are when you feel that way about yourself.

But what does asexual mean in general? Asexuality means that there is no desire for sexual interaction. Asexual people are not (basically) disgusted with sex , dislike it, or uptight. They just don’t feel the need for it. In contrast to celibacy or other forms of abstinence, asexuality is not a conscious choice, but rather a sexual orientation that – like homosexuality – deviates from the “standard”.

Asexual people, or ASS for short, usually find other people – regardless of gender – quite attractive. Romance and tenderness such as hugs, kisses and cuddling are also important and wanted for many ASD. However, this attractiveness and physical and mental closeness is not linked to sexual attraction. Some ASS see no point in sexual contact, others find it annoying and others uncomfortable. Asexuality comes in many forms, but one thing it’s definitely not is a disease.

What are the causes of asexuality?

There are no causes of asexuality. It is believed to be congenital and permanent. It is not caused by experiences such as abuse in childhood and adolescence or by an organic or psychological disorder.

That is why asexuality cannot be changed – which most of those affected do not even want. They lack nothing, they do not suffer from the lack of sexual interaction. If they do, they suffer from the prejudices and the frequent withdrawal from their environment when their orientation is discussed.

How do you know if you’re asexual?

How does it feel when you realize you’re not interested in sexual interaction? First of all, a very unsettling one given the omnipresence of sex in advertising and the media today. Many of those affected doubt for a long time whether something is wrong with them. At first they often think they are homosexual or bisexual, uptight or frigid.

Asexuality comes in many different forms and shades, making it difficult for ASD to identify themselves as such. In professional circles, a distinction is made between four main types:

  • Type A: Sex drive but no attraction (can imagine or know sex feels good but don’t see the need for it or find it uncomfortable)
  • Type B: Attraction but no sex drive (feel attracted to other people mentally, emotionally, and intellectually, fall in love, but have no need for sex with partner)
  • Type C: both attraction and sex drive (masturbation is perceived as pleasurable, but sex with other people is viewed as belittling one’s partner and avoided)
  • Type D: no emotional attraction, no sex drive (also called aromantics, can form friendships but cannot fall in love)

From this it can be deduced that asexuality is particularly noticeable in the areas of attraction, relationships and libido .

Having an asexual relationship: is that possible?

It works, but sometimes it’s not that easy. Because love and sex are traditionally linked in our culture. In other words, sexual interaction is seen as a sign of closeness. When a partner consistently refuses or is reluctant to have sex, it leads to insecurity and frustration.

As a partner of an ASD, one must therefore realize that the connection between sex and love does not exist for the other. He or she is asexual. Sexual contact simply has no meaning for him/her. Sometimes asexual people don’t even mind if their partner has sex with others outside of the relationship, as long as there is physical and mental closeness as a couple.

It can help to keep reminding yourself that sex is just one way of expressing feelings in a close relationship, not the only one. It is not absolutely necessary for mutual trust, good conversations and to laugh about something together – all signs of great intimacy. And then maybe asexuality won’t be such a big obstacle anymore.

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